The Art And Science Of Communicating Effectively
There are different schools of thought about what you should get from a communication skills training course Some of you believe that communication skills are only about talking more effectively in almost every situation I say almost every situation because there are some encounters that you have in life where the smart thing to do is to run. Even the martial arts schools teach that…”
Fortunately for most of the challenges that you meet in your life running is not a required part of the conversation.
So, what are the components of a good communication skills training ?
It is important that you consider what it is that you want to communicate, before you do anything else What is The result or outcome from this this conversation ? Once you have worked this out you will know the reason for making the effort to communicate
What is the best “state” that you can be in to approach the other person.The word “state” has some very specific meanings which I will outline for you below
State simply refers to your physical, mental and emotional condition. Obviously if you are going to discuss a debt problem with your bank manager then being in an angry state would not be useful… Being open and understandingabout how you can work together to solve your issues would be a useful state.
You would also want to buildempathy and establish mutual goals with those you wish to relate to. You could do this by using an agreement frame. ie: if Xhappens then does that means that Ywill happen.
You would build the trust and common aims by using rapport skills such as matching and mirroring and this may also include kinaesthetic , auditory and watching the other person as a way to build rapport .
Rapportis the fastest way to achieve trust and understanding with those you are communicatingwith.
Being relaxed and confident is important as that will affect how you are perceived. This can be done by using an NLP technique known as anchoring, which is a variation on what pavlov did with his dogs ( Minus the bell though I guess you could use a bell too if you really wanted to. )
The next thing a good communication skills course will teach is who owns the problem. That is to say.. “Which one of us is unhappy with this situation?”
It is so important to work out who is unhappy. It is because this knowledge will determine what strategy you will use to resolve any issue.
There aremany of these methods
They include assertive non agressive messages and active listening These are the skills that you will use when YOU “own a problem.”
When the other person owns the problem then you would use rapport and attending skills and also use a problem solving strategy. Reflective listening is extremely good for this. And when it is applied properly the other party fixes their own issues which relieves you of the need to do that for them
When you both are unhappy then you will need completely different communication skills. These include
win win conflict resolution; and ways to influence their values through modeling; and consulting.
lets look at these one at a time.
Influencing valuesis where you will seek out values that you share .so that you then have a place that is safe for you to start reaching agreementYou may also steer the other person towards being aware of how important your values are to you and also demonstrating that they work for you….
Which brings me to the next skill which is demonstrating what’s important to you
Modeling in a communication skills context simply means showing through your actions what’s important to you . You will show what things are important and how they work for you and hopefully the other person will be inspired enough to alter their behavior enough and you can both live with it.
There are two other things that you can do when you’re in dispute with someone else’s behavior..
The first of these is consulting which basically means 1/ being a knowledgeable expert and 2/getting hired. This is way too complex to go into here as this is the subject of a four day communication skills training. If you get these two things right you stand a chance of being a consultant….
The final thing you can do when all else fails is to get out of there and call it a day…!
Mail this postPopularity: 2% [?]
Tags: Communication skills, communication skills training, effective communication skills, improve communication skills, learn communication skills
Leave a Reply